Isn't space cool? It's all dark and twinkly at the same time. Filled with stars, nebulas, comets and a whole plethora of totally radical stuff. Of course, none of these things are as totally wonder bar as the spaceships. Now they're COOL. Zipping around all fast and gun happy. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever been in space with solely peaceful intentions. There's always something that needs pew pewing into oblivion. Whether that be evil pirates, corrupt corporations or some poor sod who happened to have cargo destined for my secret base. It really doesn't bode well for the inhabitants of the galaxy that we're already blowing stuff up before we even get out there.
So, Star Wolves, what is there to say? It's set in space for one. Lots of space everywhere, can't get enough. Secondly it's a mish mash of the RTS and RPG genres, so imagine Homeworld crossed with KOTOR's skills development, and lastly, it's Russian. That part is very important to remember as it's the only way to excuse the game's most diabolical lapse. But we'll get to that. Developed by X-bow Software and published by 1C Company the setting is a fairly unoriginal one. Space has been colonised, there's a human empire and some less than reputable corporations banging about... Oh and there are aliens but they show up later. You play as a self-titled mercenary leading a rag-tag band of heroes through the perils of the universe, making money and claiming booty from your enemies cold wreckage. And slowly but surely you're pulled into the machinations of just about every major player in the galaxy, all thanks to your incredible ability at wasting people in hard vacuum. Have you noticed no one is ever looking for the best diplomat or fry cook, it's always with the killing? More for our intergalactic neighbours to be worried about I suppose.
Now then, this might all seem a little dull, especially when you throw in the Ruski factor. That being the most embarrassing voice acting known to man. It's god-awful and single-handedly relegates the story to a very hazy plot that you follow with varying degrees of understanding. This is then compounded by a less than (inter)stellar translation that, well, at times inflicts genuine suffering on the player. A five year old dyslexic could have done a better job. Understandably therefore, you might be wondering why you'd ever want to play what sounds like the gaming equivalent of an extinction level event. To that, I offer the following.
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| "3,2,1, FIRE!! |
Star Wolves has one very big plus in it's corner, it's pretty. True, space games tend to age more gracefully than your average workaday shooter, but a few times I was genuinely impressed with the lighting effects as a stars rays illuminated a remote space station, or I zoomed in on a gun ship as it strafed an enemy frigate. It's one of those games that is a pleasure to look at and it's genuinely fun to mess around with the camera in pursuit of that ideal screenshot. In a similar vein each of the ships you can buy to accentuate your force has a distinct feel. The models offer a diversity and variation in design that offers an eclectic selection for your little armada. Some are excellent dogfighters, fast and packing a wallop in the laser/gun department, while others are cumbersome gunships, laden down with station killing missiles and relying on cover to get the job done. Of equal note is the soundtrack, a mashing blend of techno rock and roll that at times reminded me of the original Starcraft. It works to smooth out the rough edges of the game, presenting another clear high production value that is lacking in the writing. I could just imagine slamming home my cassette, pulling down the roof of my hypothetical sports car and racing off down the A1, the police in hot pursuit as the booming track taunted my would be jailers. Now that would be fine.
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| In a stag party, she's the man. |
The choice of vessel tallies well with the myriad characters who join your mercenary band. I found their personas kind of boring to be honest and took to giving them their own back stories and dubious accolades. For instance, resident Imperial fighter jock Viper became the lesbian lover double crossed by her heart of hearts in pursuit of the universes biggest taco. Interestingly, I feel that the writing took a turn for the better under my guidance. Back on point you want to choose the right mixture of character abilities and accordingly, ships, to make your little band work. I lost a lot of money figuring this out and even now make sure the Star Wolf, which accompanies you on every mission as your carrier, has a couple of spares to hand. The Star Wolf is your home away from home and can be loaded out with bigger and better guns, shields arrays and engines. My main complaint would be that the outward appearance of the old garbage scow never changes; the gun emplacements do but there's no other outward signs of customisation. So boooo to that. What the Wolf is however, is a damage sponge. With some hefty armour and shield improvements it can reap the freaking whirlwind, but never forget can be quickly cut to pieces without fighter support.
The game itself handles a little sluggishly from time to time, with drops in frame rate occurring at odd moments and commands taking that half second longer to be processed. It's a bit of a ball ache, disrupting the rhythm of combat and accounting for a good few losses on my part. Glitches from crashing to desktop and freezing have been reported by others, but I never had a problem even if it didn't run with the efficiency of a German rail system. Other than that the games controls are simple to learn and don't put a great demand on your time; I might even call them intuitive to a degree, although they surely took some pointers from Homeworld and Nexus: The Jupiter Incident. Nothing wrong with emulating the greats, mind you.
In Retro Rehashespect (it's a thing, trust me) when I look at Star Wolves, I see a flawed but entertaining foray into the world of space strategy. It's never going to win any awards, being far too messy in places to barely stave off sniggers and pointing at the annual sci-fi gaming palooza, but like the fat, sensitive kid at school still has plenty to offer. It's mechanics are sound and result in some exciting dog fights, while balancing out your squadron takes actual precision and skill. You can't make every pilot an expert in laser warfare, otherwise who is going to fix your ship in the heat of battle? This nuance saves Star Wolves from a brutal execution in front of the parade ground, for where it fails singularly as a narrative tale, it excels as a thinking mans game. Impressive considering how it seems to have been written by a drunken illiterate on sabbatical from his local opium den. So, come for the painful hilarity and stay for the complexity would be my advice. Also, whatever you do, don't buy Star Wolves 2. But that's another story.
Goodnight.
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