Mass Effect 3 Extended Cut: Rage

I'm sorry Bioware, NO! NO, NO, NO! Having only purchased Mass Effect 3 recently I'm a bit behind the times; as such however, I'd already heard the phenomenally bad press it's finale had attracted. So I'm not here to bash on the bear bones, kick in my crotch embarrassment that is the original game. But the fix job Bioware released to patch the problem. The problem being of course that different coloured lights and three shitty choices do not an ending make. You see I've looked around and there are mixed opinions on the DLC, some hate it, others like it and some are just happy that an extended cut exists. That their beloved universe will not have to suffer the shame of attending the sci-fi franchise annual wine tasting with such failure tucked between it's deflated butt cheeks. And interestingly enough, it is with these people that I have the biggest beef. With whom I would like to engage in some friendly cajoling before I introduced them to the pointy end of my omni tool. Why you ask? Why humble reviewer, are you in such an uncontrollable rage? Because you don't pat a dog on the head for crapping outside after it's already shat on the carpet, that's why!

Don't get me wrong, it's commendable that having whored themselves out to the dark forces of EA that Bioware could comprehend the idea of consumer dissatisfaction, but it doesn't make up for the original failure. It just knocks a few years off the sentence and I'll be damned if they get to come out of this with an unsullied rectum. Sure, they've made the endings longer and filled in some rather large plot holes: like how did your team make it to the Normandy and why do the Mass Relays explode in every ending sequence? But it doesn't change the fact that the conclusion, the original upon which these fixes were based, plain sucked. I mean, wow, in pretty much every option you are given, minus the bonus were Shepherd can survive, you have to kill your character. Whether you destroy, control or merge with the Reapers you pretty much kick the proverbial bucket. And all I can ask is, why? Why Bioware are you so intent on forcing us to die? Do you hate us that much? Do you feel that your writing staff is so shoddy they can only make something dramatic by killing a character many have invested three games worth of effort into? It makes no sense; why can't there be a happy ending; why can't we CHOOSE to live? As this is a video game that, despite ignoring it's previous incarnations when it suited, champions the player as master of his/her own destiny. And don't even get me started on the Galactic Readiness scale, which again fails to have any effect on the outcome of the game even though it was its entire sodding focus. I mean, these are the people you want to thank for the extended cut? A company who barely seemed to understand what was happening in their own franchise?

I am raging, I appreciate that, but I think Bioware's slap job is beyond the realms of acceptable behaviour. Releasing an incomplete product and then fixing it is, well, just plain dickish. If anything they should have received a curt "good" from the fan base as the extended cut was humbly handed over and been sent to sit in the corner and think about what they'd done. As even with the DLC I still felt that the entire synthetic-organic paradigm was as weak as they came, as such issues were not central to the saga. They played their part, especially with the Geth and Quarrian story line, but it feels tacked on in the end. Like the writers couldn't be bothered and instead through out the old, Order vs Chaos bit. It seemed overly contrived, how the Reapers had to trim the galactic hedge every 50,000 years to avoid some vague synthetic rebellion and ultimate organic extermination. If anything by uniting the Geth and the Quarrians this entire theory falls to pieces faster than your average Kevin Sorbo series.

Anyway I am beginning to drift a tad here, so lets round up. Bioware did bad. Bad Bioware! Don't do that anymore! Then again with Dragon Age 3 on the way maybe I'll be back again this time next year, only a lot drunker and still trying to figure out what a Turian/Human baby would look like. I love you Garrus, too bad Bioware said we couldn't be together. If only there was a way for a computer geek, playing a female character and romancing an alien bird man could make it work in this crazy universe, but I don't see it happening anytime soon.

P.S - Yes the child ending is ridiculous, stilted and completely out of touch with the franchise, but I think that's been pretty well covered already. I'm all out of rage people.

Control Ending
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhVhBz4ANj4

Synthesis Ending
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCU3kl1vfiw

Destroy Ending
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWhlU5xM2E0&feature=relmfu

In Memoriam: Tali'Zorah, a Footnote in Video Game Storytelling

I've never been the biggest fan of moral choice systems. As a rule I avoid their annual parade, social mixer and jiggly ball tournament in favour of a whiskey on the rocks and some manly air guitar. The problem I've always found is that no matter how hard a studio tries, they invariably end up making a parody version of actual morality. A cut and dry set up where decisions are this or that with no in between. Because in between would be boring I suppose, who wants realism in their games anyway? Being a champion of evil or good is the best that you can hope for. Due to this, the only way to retain my interest is through good, solid storytelling. By making the decisions I make seem tangible. As while I can control only the extremes of my virtual soul, maybe I can make more of an impact in the virtual world. Maybe, just maybe I'll matter and at the same time make me question my decisions, bypassing the messy moral game system and communicating directly with my own grey matter. Now, having played many an RPG, from SWTOR 2 to Dragon Age: Origins, I have learned not to expect such dramatic self determination. If I kill I'm bad, if I find away out of the situation without killing, I'm good. Ring a bell?



Tali'Zorah

So you can imagine my shock, my surprise when in the conclusion to Bioware's sci-fi oddysey I felt myself regretting, nay, fully questioning myself and my decisions. If you haven't completed Mass Effect 3 or generally like to retain some mystery in your life, this is the point where you look away. Go twiddle your thumbs or play on the motorway. Anyway, so the story goes while pulling the universe together in one final effort to defeat the intergalactic machine menace, the Reapers, you must make a variety of tough and at times branching decisions. This in itself of course is not where the gut wrenching doubt emerges from, but it sets the scene rather nicely.  As you encounter friends, old and new from across the fiction of Mass Effect's past video game forays, you begin to realise that your priorities may have changed, that they no longer coincide with your former comrades in arms.




My allies, for the greater good!

Some will betray you, others drift away and a few will end up as blood on your hands. It is in one such instance that my doubt finds root. Enter the Geth, the Quarians and 200 years of conflict. Their war is coming to an end and you must choose who to grant the right of life, and who to in the process let wither on the vine. Entire civilizations in the palm of your hand. Again, this in itself without any personal connection could have fallen flat on it's face, just a bunch of inconsequential pixels blinking out of existence. But thanks to one Tali'zorah you seal not only the fate of an entire species, but your friend as well. It's an interesting question, what would you sacrifice to hold onto those you loved? In this instance, could you let countless billions possibly die all for one individual? I chose the billions, I aligned with the Geth and I watched the Migrant Fleet go down in flames. Just so many pixels. In the process however, I destroyed a character with whom I had travelled the galaxy and like you do with some well written characters, cared about. It was a bittersweet moment and one that I would like to see more in modern gaming. As an interactive medium without the support of good storytelling we're really just killing time and possibly improving our hand eye co-ordination. So we need more Tali'zorahs, we need more heart wrenching moments as otherwise, what's the point? We're just feeding studios to pump out more of the same. So I salute you Tali'zorah and I truly am sorry. But the needs of the many... Well, you know the rest.