Hellboy (2019) - Insert Obligatory "Purgatory" Subtitle Here

Going into a film with an open mind is sometimes difficult. With the media hype machine being what it is and the slew of viewer scores and opinions one can find online, being purely objective is nigh on impossible. What you can do though, is make a conscious effort to filter it all out and give whatever it is you’re watching a super large benefit of the doubt. Which is exactly what I did with the rebooted Hellboy when I rented it the other night. I willed myself into a state of ready acceptance, blocking out the critic reviews I’d already seen and the trailer that had underwhelmed, to achieve a near zen like peace.

Then, I sat back and discovered that it is possible to feel ripped off at only £1.99. It must be said that I am a fan of Ron Perlman’s Hellboy and that the meditation I underwent before hitting play was, in no small part, to give David Harbour a fair shake. This however, proved unnecessary, not because he was miscast, his voice and general temperament actually supporting his inclusion, but because with direction and writing this woeful they could have brought in the actual Devil and it would have been all for nought.

Neil Marshal is best known for his low budget horror film Dog Soldiers, bouldering with monsters, The Descent and, if you’re me, post-apocalyptic cheese fest, Doomsday. He’s never really broken out into mainstream Hollywood and has made his name more recently directing various episodes of shows such as Westworld and Game of Thrones. On the face of it, with a relatively small budget of 50 million dollars and what is a monster property to boot, he seems like a good choice to blend the comic book world with that of cult success. What we get instead is a smattering of passable action sequences, some genuinely interesting creatures and cinematography and a storyline so botched and rushed it will give you whiplash.

Many of these narrative problems stem from Summit Entertainment’s deranged notion of creating their own cinematic universe, with a further five films originally planned to spin off from the many poorly fleshed out sub plots Hellboy introduces over its two-hour run-time. Corporate greed once again trumping the business of making a good, standalone movie. *Cough*, Joker. The fact that Marvel has been the only success in this area never deterring the financial adventurism of other and arguably lesser mortals. The film, therefore, has the unfortunate feeling of being simultaneously overlong while also underdeveloped.

The cast, meanwhile, is a decidedly mixed bag. As already mentioned, David Harbour was a fine choice to take on the role of hell’s greatest hero, but some others were distinctly lacking. Most notably Daniel Dae Kim as Major Ben Daimio and Sasha Lane as Alice Monaghan. I can’t tell you whether their characters are true to the source material, rather what I can tell you is that both American actors put on the worst English accents I have ever heard. It really does border on parody more than once and puts the final nail in any hope of a successful group dynamic. Thankfully, Mila Jovovich is in her element as Nimue, the wicked Blood Queen but due to deficiencies in the writing is criminally underused and can only provide light relief. Similarly, Ian McShane delivers a spirited, if oddly characterised performance as Hellboy’s adopted father. Where John Hurt of the original was nurturing and patient, McShane is biting and sarcastic, creating an adversarial relationship which fails to engage or be borne out by the finale.

Albeit, a very pretty lady.

The plot itself is confused by its corporate origins and attempt to tell a personal story. In both prior movies, Hellboy was depicted as a tortured hero, desperate for acceptance in a world which reviled him. In The Golden Army this gave Prince Nuada’s arguments weight as the film played upon Hellboy’s isolation and bitterness, forcing him to make a difficult choice. Hellboy (2019) however, simply ramps up the character’s angry outbursts and tempts him with a pretty lady. It’s not an improvement and as always with reboots, if it doesn’t go beyond the original work it’s not worth making. The only new addition of note being the buckets of blood and violence that litter the film's run time for no actual reward, other than a quick glance at the clock. As for the script, I knew all was lost when Hellboy uttered the phrase, “Shit of God,” while battling a giant. It was genuinely cringe inducing. Other pearls sprinkled throughout the film include, but are not limited to:


“Could you Google translate that for me?” in response to some magic gobbledegook.

“We make sure she doesn’t come back for the sequel,” when discussing what to do about the bad guy.

“Why does this book have so many words in it?” Need I say more?

All in all, not the best and surprisingly, not the product of a bloated team of staff writers. One mind was this bad all by itself.

Between the breakneck pace of the story, the shoddy writing and lazy direction, there is very little to recommend the new Hellboy. It doesn’t surpass it predecessors, other than perhaps in the CGI department and falls flat more often than not. It’s sense of humour is juvenile, its plot predictable and teaser ending, laughably optimistic. If there was any love in the film’s production, it was clearly buried under poor financial decisions and worst of all, has likely destroyed any hopes of seeing the former cast ever reprise their roles. A sin for which there can be no forgiveness.